Dilbert's Rules Of Order

I can only please one person per day.

Today is not your day. Tomorrow does not look good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

 Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My reality check bounced.

Everybody is someone else's weirdo.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don't be irreplaceable.. if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

If it wasn't for the last minute .. nothing would get done.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I poured spot remover over my dog, now he's gone.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Energizer Bunny was arrested, charged with battery.

I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

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